August 12, 2012

I've been putting off this post.
It is a hard one to write.
There is a lot going on with our little family.  I guess I always think that. But really there is.

We had high hopes that California would be a great place for our little family.  So many people we love life here after all, and it is always warm enough to play outside.
But even in the short 9 months we've been here it has been made clear to us, that it is not all we had hoped.  And it is not right for us.
So we have decided to move back to Heber, Utah.
We will be staying with my parents for a while, while we find a home of our own.  We had made the decision to move back about a month ago.  We planned to  do it in December.  It seemed like too much to do before school started in two weeks.
Then we just decided it was right, and why put off what you think is right because it will be a lot of stress and work.
So we decided to move- literally 14 days later.  We will be leaving on Aug 17.

Jake and I joke that we had to break up with Heber, before we could decide to marry it.
I think that really is true.  Well not for me, but for him.  I'm very sad for my husband that all his California dreams did not come true.   He had dreams of his kids growing up like he did here in California.  But of course we weren't going to get a farm, and we didn't feel like we could live in rural Fresno because the schools are not as good/safe.  And as it turns out Clovis, is nothing like the growing up he remembered.  Not one ounce like it.  And he has not loved it.
I feel a lot of guilt that I have been unhappy a lot this year too.  And I know it is not because of the move, it has 100% everything to do with the stress of my kids being sick. But it has been hard separating the two things for sure.

California is expensive, about 1/3 more  than our old Heber life, by our calculations.  And when we make the same amount regardless of where we live it just seems silly to be stretched so thin just for a little sun.
California is complicated.  In many ways. Let me just give you an example of how getting Kate into kindergarten  in Clovis,  has been two trips to the school and three phone calls, and countless emails. Then a big fight when I didn't want her in the K-1 class but they didn't have money for another kindergarten that would only have 18 students in it. (they don't have the money how is that possible when property taxes are 400% higher than in Heber?)  Not to mention we feel like we can only live in certain neighborhoods so that she can go to a safe school.   Some mom's in my ward camp outside the schools the day before registration so they can be the first in line and get their kid into the right public elementary. This is not for private school- it is for public school - It is strange.  I tried to register Kate for school in Heber last week.  It took me one three minute phone call "oh sure honey you can register her in any elementary school you'd like".  I literally laughed out loud.  I feel like the same kind of thing happens  over and over again with doctors appointments, errands, health insurance, most everything just seems more complicated.  I guess I am not a big city girl.  I guess I'm suited for small town life.  Actually I know it.
Of course there are lots of reasons we could list for wanting to move again.
But really the only one that matters is that we think it is best for our family and we want what is best for our children..
It has been a confusing conclusion to come to, as we thought moving to California would be best for our family.  But in the end it just seems like a necessary detour for our family.
Good Bye to our temporary home.
We are excited about new things to come.
For now, we are as you can imagine trying to do all those moving things and pack and entire house of three children in just three days.
Surprisingly things have been falling perfectly into place and we feel very blessed.

I just pray that this moving stuff comes to an end soon.