Some pictures I took of Bethany today. I am going to be doing some indoor shoots in the winter months and thought I might practice, try out some things with my camera today. Bethany was the perfect model of course.
I felt like these two in particular really capture her right now. The top picture she was trying to eat her toes, and jabbering on about something. The bottom one is her huge grin and also she is up on her toes. She does this a lot, then gets to her knees and crawls forward a bit. She even got a big blister on her toe from doing it so much. Jake and I were joking last night about where her hair could be. The other girls had so much more hair it seems by now.
I think she is beautiful. Just so beautiful. She has such a sweet personality too. Easy and happy. I put her to bed every night wondering why I didn't spend the entire day making her laugh and cuddling together.
She is not the only one growing up around here. Marianne talks like a college grad now. Saying things like "owww mommy you hurt me mommy" every single time I do her hair. "I don't want that one mommy" "I'm going to be a elephant for halloween mommy" She says "mommy" a lot. I love her for it. I love that everything is still the best to her. She finds joy in everything often and it makes us all find joy in daily things.
Samuel is very excited because tomorrow is his Halloween program at school. He has been counting down the days. And has learned the songs all very well and been singing them around the house. He is still the one at my side when nobody else is- while Kate is at school and the little girls nap. Yesterday I had bills to pay and a bunch of Relief Society things to mail out. He was my "mailman" and put stamps on everything then helped carry it to the mail box and put it all in. I raced him on the way back home from the mail box. I planned on letting him win, but do you know that he almost did win without me letting him He is a fast guy. Which is funny because just last week I had a dream about him winning a marathon and me trying to watch but not being able to run fast enough to keep up with him. I told him about the dream and he liked it very much.
Kate is doing so well in school. At her parent teacher conference a few weeks ago her teacher told me what level of reading she was on "E". And that there were three or four kids reading better than her in the class on level "H" . It was mostly her response to me when I told her I thought Kate was doing great and wasn't really worried about anything academically in school. She thought I should be pushing Kate more, I kind of resented her thoughts, but in the end I'm glad we talked about it. I know that Kate is a great reader, and we set a goal to be on lever "H" by Christmas. Well last week Kate already completed her goal and tested in to level "H". With a goal in mind and a little encouragement she made up so much ground and is now in the elite reading group in first grade where she really belonged all along, we just weren't practicing for the tests at home. I'm proud of her. In fact when I went to her class to help yesterday I saw her name in the best reader board and was super proud of her and told her so. She has been really into American Girl Dolls latley and saved all of her money and bought a somewhat less expensive generic version all on her own- which was still like $38 which is a lot of money for a 6 year old to save and be patient enough to not spend even when her brother already bought 3 or 4 things every month or so from his extra chore money because he bought cheap things that didn't cost so much. She has been so pleased with it and never complains it is not the real thing. Which is great, except that I bought her the real thing for Christmas so I kind of want her to think it is awesome. Which is why when an American Girl Doll catalog came in the mail this week, I gave it to her to look at- which did just the trick. She came home from the bus where she had been looking at the catalog with friends and told me he had circled some of the things she liked. There were three doll circled.... and hooray... one of the ones circled is the one I got. Boy am I a sneaky parent or what!
Life seems to be flying by, busily, I feel like we are just seconds from an emergency or crisis most the time just because we are barely holding things together... but things are a good world wind. How that is said side by side I think is just parenting really.
I've been meaning to write an experience I had a few weeks ago. Jake had been camping with the scouts for all of UEA It was towards the end of this weekend where anyone who has four kids and has been a single parent for a few days can tell you. There was .yelling that day, and bedtime at 7:30pm and even though I was exhausted I couldn't tell you one single thing that got done. You know. The kids were alive and had been fed (likely pizza) but that was it and somehow it was still too much.
The kids were all in bed (whew) and me and Bethy were sitting on the couch together.
Down on myself for the kind of parent I had been that day. For yelling. For not playing. For not teaching. When a spirit spoke to me. Normally when I have spiritually promptings I would say "The Spirit" meaning the Holy Ghost, but this was a bit different. It may have been the Holy Ghost, but it felt different- it seemed more like Bethany. Her spirit. Her spirit speaking to my spirit. Saying "we choose you because we knew you would love us so much" in a way saying they knew I wouldn't be perfect, but that they knew my capacity for love and choose me for it. I'm not even sure I believed in the "kids choosing their parents" saying that goes around before this- or that it is the case in all parent child relationships, but it was a special moment between me and her, and me and all my children her speaking for them. It (temporarily) changed the way I felt about myself and myself as a mother. or permanently as long as I remember it.
I relayed this story to Jake when he came home the next day. He correctly responded that it is why he choose me too.
Feeling like one lucky mom, with a house of adorable children I couldn't possibly love one ounce more. until tomorrow when I find I do.
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